Living Honestly

I was given an assigment to spend three days living 100% honestly. No fibs, no exaggerating, no cheating, no stealing. The following are my thoughts:

The last three days have been a challenge. Not because it was hard to stop telling lies. Not because it was hard to stop breaking the law. It was hard to consciously realize I was even committing these dishonest acts. Going into this ?challenge? I figured I?d simply watch my words and make sure I let that certain someone know that she did indeed look fat in those jeans. In reality, it wasn?t until maybe five, ten minutes after being dishonest that I even realized it. I tried hard, I really did. But, far more effort is required to establish a new habit than that which is necessary to revert back to the established ones. In other words, it was much harder to even realize I was speeding and breaking the law than it was to drive my typical style at my natural speed (nearly ten over). And that was just day one?

I started out the first morning letting people near me know that I was going to be completely honest for the next three days. This was greeted with ?does that mean I can ask you anything? type questions. Naturally I informed them that this was the case because being dishonest also includes withholding information. Some questions were a bit embarrassing but luckily the novelty quickly wore off. I figured that this was going to be the extent of my three-day period. I was sadly mistaken. As I went throughout my day I noticed there were plenty of opportunities to stretch the truth and exaggerate, but I consciously chose not to. For example, when telling a story about the weekend an opportunity presented itself more than once. I realized, though, that this act is considered ?dishonest?.

As the days went on I realized I was more and more ?dishonest? in everyday interactions. For instance, I sometimes like to shrug off conversations and dismiss ?How are you?? with ?fine? and ?What?s new?? with ?not much?. But, after the first few conversations I realized these were all dishonest answers. In fact, funny as it may be, I started having some more fulfilling chats with friends. I actually had to come up with a response and tell people about my day. In some cases it was pretty rewarding.

As far as driving was concerned though, this was my weakest area. I couldn?t help but get in the fast lane every time I drove to Boulder. Once I was in it I realized the flow was moving around 70 to 75 (especially down the hill). It always took a minute to realize what I was doing and that I should slow down. Even if this meant an additional minute or two would pass before I arrived at my destination. I learned, though, that the time spent breaking the law (by speeding) was hardly worth it. The extra minute or two on the road meant safer driving conditions and an extra song for me to listen to.

On the third day a number of people were asking me if I was going to a mutual friend?s house that evening. I replied that I simply had stuff to do at home. I even said I was going to stick around and hang out with my roommates. I felt guilty. I just didn?t want to go out at the time. I didn?t want to be honest about this fact though. I ended up willingly being dishonest. I just couldn?t bring myself to outwardly telling someone I didn?t want to enjoy their company. Truth be told, that?s usually not the case. In general, I really enjoy being with people. It just so happens that, due to a number of things, I didn?t feel like being very social. That seemed very hard to explain at the time. I gave in though.

After the second phone call I decided I needed to go see my friends that evening. I went out, saw everyone, and spent a few hours in Boulder; it was refreshing. Yet, when people asked if I was having fun, it was hard to give a straight answer. If I say ?no? they then ask ?why?? and ?what?s wrong?? but if I simply say ?yes? I?m being dishonest to merely avoid a barrage of follow-up questions.

I?ve read that it takes something like a month for a new habit to become permanent. I?m willing to try this for as long as I can. If anything I?ll become even more aware of how I interact with people and society. Even if I still speed a little in the fast lane I feel that I can still lead an honest life. Despite some ?white lies?, I feel that, in some cases, being dishonest is the lesser of two evils. As I mentioned, there could be dozens of cases where I didn?t even realize I was being dishonest. Many times I stopped and realized that what I had said earlier was exactly what I was supposed to be avoiding. This is no simple task.

I think I do a lot of these dishonest things because I feel they hurt no one else. This may or may not be true. What if one night I decide I don?t want to hang out with my friends or my family because I?m preoccupied with something else? In that case I tell a harmless lie, say I?m sick, and leave early. It?s my loss. From there I decide to drive home in the fast lane on highway 36. Again, I?m being dishonest and breaking the law but hurting no one but myself.

Well, I didn?t hurt anyone until the guy in front of me suddenly has stops and I have no where to else to go but (very quickly) straight into him. Suppose that?s the end of me. Who lives did those lies just touch?

I realize this example is beyond extreme. But, despite the difficulty, I?ve realized it?s best to be honest in everything I say and do. I also realize being candid about this demonstrates the fact that, yes: I live a somewhat dishonest life. Unfortunately, when I keep things from people or mislead them they have a reason to stop trusting me. Luckily, they don?t necessarily know it (yet). To me, trust is important and I plan to avoid doing anything that would jeopardize it.

In reality, how honest are you?
[tags]college, personal, improvement, honesty, trust, lying[/tags]

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About Devin Reams

My name is Devin Reams and I founded this site to provide a useful news and review resource for Colorado skiers and snowboarders (and mountain enthusiasts). I've been skiing since I was a little kid (we moved out here when I was five years old) and I plan to ski for years beyond that. Although cosnow is not my full-time job it is my full-time winter hobby. I've been an "Epic Local" passholder since 2006 (when it was called a "Colorado Pass" or "Five Mountain Pass"). My favorite resorts are Beaver Creek and Breckenridge.

5 thoughts on “Living Honestly

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  2. Tim

    I think I’m quite honest. I don’t lie a lot, and I don’t break the law too much. I’d only have to stop using eMule, which, ironically, I use a lot /for other people/.

    The lies are the hardest to get rid of. Quitting lying isn’t so hard, but if you simply want to refuse answering a question, you’re often in effect giving the answer away.

    One last remark; refusing to answer is not dishonest in my opinion. So the “I can ask you any question?”-thing would have been different if I would have been the subject of this, erm, “test”.

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  3. RT

    What comes to mind is this conundrum – are you really free to tell the truth or to not withhold information when you know that information will hurt someone else. In other words, telling someone you don’t want to know them anymore – when they ask why you’re not calling. It may be true that you don’t want to know that person, but does the knowledge that you’ve made this choice really help, or in fact hurt them. One could beg it off saying things like I’m busy or I’m going through changes (a common blase remark to dismiss people) but with the cold hard truth of I don’t like you anymore, isn’t one burdening the individual who is being rejected with a little too much truth? Giving someone a back door to soften the blow of a hurtful truth is not necessarily a lie, some might define it as tact, or in some cases, good manners. It’s alarming how often people are hurt in the name of “truth”. Relationships ending are a case in point. Perhaps under the insistence of the person being left a cold, hard explanation is necessary to break the bond. But it’s sometimes the will of the leaver over the leavee – a final power point, to make the “truth” the basis for the demise of the relationship. Also, when someone is telling the truth about something that is despicable it’s good to know but damned if you want to – on some level. All in all the living of an honest life can land you in a lonely place. It’s deemed as rudeness and self-centeredness. More than running a red light in the middle of the night when there’s no one in sight, an “honest” life could be interpreted as relieving oneself on the person who may not want to hear your truth. I wonder if there isn’t some truth to the adage – if you don’t have anything nice to say (truth or lie) then don’t say anything at all.

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  4. Jackie

    I think living honestly can be very difficult. Not with surface items, but with matters of the heart. They are usually conflicting with expectations, etc.
    I am working on living honestly, but find it difficult. Sometimes there seems to be so much to lose, perhaps there is much to gain but fear gets in the way.

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  5. Francis

    Interesting to find this as I have discovered that I do lie about many things quite a bit. Big things, small, unimportant and sadly the important things as well.
    It is strange how our minds will rationalize just about anything to self protect, and all under your own radar.
    It seems to move through us silently until it causes a problem, then in the face of conflict we may still choose to lie, deny, then fly away instead of just saying what is really on our minds and be done with it.
    Living honestly has proven to be more difficult than I ever imagined. Not because I want to hide myself from others, but because of the habits created by unrecognized fear.

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